LOST Top Fives

I participate in a LOST discussion group. Started a top five list thread, but wanted to post some here as well. The compilation so far:

Top 5 Coolest Characters (Present Cast)

5. Eloise Hawking / Charles Widmore (tie)
4. Benjamin Linus
3. Miles Straume (earned serious cool points in 5.3)
2. James "Sawyer" Ford
1. John Locke

Sadly, Desmond has fallen to number 6, partly because he named his kid Charlie, and partly because he idiotically strode into Widmore's office, begging for trouble. He is bumped off the top five by Miles Straume's meteoric rise from near the bottom of the list to number three after the last three episodes. First, he may be connected to Dr. Pierre Chang. But most of all was the ultra-kewl identification of the fresh grave in 5.3.

Top Five Most Savage Sawyer Sayings
(That I can think of at 2:06 am)

5. "I'm a complicated guy, sweetheart." - Somewhat sets the tone in the early days of S1. Always makes me laugh, and wish I was still in good enough shape to be able to get away with speaking to women in such a way.

4. "How 'bout that... Sawyer's my name, too." An ominous utterance in the presence of his long-sought quarry. Cooper has no idea the pent up rage behind that smoothly delivered line.

3. "Shut it, Ginger, or you're gettin one, too." A recent hilarity. Since it's likely a tad inappropriate to show Sawyer actually smacking the hell out of a female, we get the next best thing: Her spindly womanesque semi-boyfriend gets smacked, and we get to imagine the rest. Sawyer gets the potential for taboo aggression without having to go through with it on camera.

2. "Got a band-aid?" Said, as you may recall, as he sits on a floating pile of rubble immediately after he digs a slug out of his own shoulder with his fingers, looks at it, and hurls it angrily into the ocean.

1. "I didn't believe him." Spoken immediately after point-blank blasting Tom Friendly on the beach. Tom had surrendered, Juliet protested... Sawyer kept his word when he said 'You and me ain't done, Zeke.'

Top Five Items Never Requested at Sawyer's Trading Post

5. Deodorant
4. Toothbrush
3. Toilet Paper
2. Soap
1. Condoms

Seems like 5-4 explain 1.

Top Five Things LOST Actors Should Stop Trying To Convince Us They Can Do

5. Naveen/Sayid: Burst into tears
4. Emilie/Claire: Have a reasonable reaction to stress
3. Madison/Vincent: Go 108 days without leaving a turd on the beach
2. Jorge/Hurley: Prepare a HotPocket
1. Sonya/Penelope: Scream in agony

Top Five Most Unpleasant-to-Imagine Character Couplings
(Or in layman's terms: People we wouldn't want to see makin' out.)

5. Locke and Rose
4. Bernard and... umm... anyone.
3. Hurley and DHARMA Test Bunny
2. Ben Linus and Wooden Annie Sculpture
1. Tom Friendly and Arturo

HM: Walt and Vincent

Top Five Failed Jungle Survival Ideas

5. Naked Tuesday
4. Build fort out of DHARMA cereal boxes
3. Lick tree frogs for magical powers
2. Search luggage for ruby slippers, click heels (Frogurt's idea)
1. Let Jack Lead

Top Five Number of "A"s in the Name "Walt" in Season 2

5. 8
4. 15
3. 16
2. 23
1. 42

HM: 4

Top Five Acts of Pure Unadulterated Evil Committed by John Locke
(An olive branch extended to the Boobophiles)

5. The Smackdown of Sayid - Argue as we might for the importance of the ends, the means did leave something to be desired. I don't have a problem with his subsequent diversion, though.

4. Lying to Helen about Helping Anthony Cooper - And he paid for his misdeed, for Helen is nobody's fool.

3. Shoving Mikhail through the sonic fence - Sure, it was hilarious. But it was evil.

2. Tampering with Eko's own beliefs. He wouldn't tolerate that if someone got in the way of his own understanding, and so it was hypocritical and wrong of him to do that to Eko. Plus, his mania in that episode nearly got Eko, Charlie and Desmond killed.

1. Condoning the large-scale production of illegal drugs - Feeling like part of a family is not worth more than facilitating the potential sale of drugs to children. He also pointed a loaded weapon at a police officer and considered shooting him. /scold

Top Five Worst Characters to Center Episodes Around

5. Bernard - the most boring nerd in the cast. WHOOSH to Bernard's office, where Bernard reviews the xrays of his next patient. There seem to be way too many teeth in this mouth, and the front two top row incisors are remarkably similar to those of Bugs Bunny. WOW Moment: Kate waits in the chair, fiddling with the instruments.

4. Frogurt - worst actor to ever appear in... anything. He's the visual equivalent of an unreachable itch. WOOSH to a TCBY. Man orders a quart of White Chocolate Mousse with a half-pound of crushed Reese's on top. Pan back: OMG, Hurley!

3. Claire - Second only to attending a siren manufacturer's expo.

2. Charlie - We got it the first time. He's a has-been on heroin. Next Charlie episode: Shocking revelation: Charlie was not only a has-been on heroin, but he took heroin before he was a has been, THEN, he became a has-been.

1. Vincent. Even though I say this, I would pay to see a full episode from Vincent's point of view. Not in the main season, but some sort of special DVD episode. POV, dialog, everything. Have people speaking gibberish except words he would recognize, things characters would have normally said to him all the time, like "food", "boy", "Vincent", "Walt", "I play the same character no matter what role it is... Thank gawd for Liam Neeson" - And then, when Vincent would bark, you'd understand it, like you could speak dog.

Top Five LOST Uberfailures

5. Colleen Pickett attempting to use the Otherjedi mind trick on Sun
4. Walt attempting to appear the same age from season to season
3. Jack attempting to beat Sawyer to 'it'
2. Ben attempting to woo Juliet
1. Hurley attempting to plan a picnic (ooooops)

HMs since it's fresh on the brain:
Tom Friendly attempting to surrender.
Sawyer attempting to kill Sawyer (the first time).